I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize