Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize