Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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