I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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