Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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