We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
