swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
