Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
