so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
