No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
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There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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