how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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