quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
