are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
