My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
