i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
