So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we made out on top of his cat.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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