Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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