Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
