very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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