C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
