They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
