his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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