I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I sprained my soul last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
