My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
