It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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