I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
