Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
