4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
