i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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