There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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