I wish I only lived at night.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
