She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize