You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
