Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
