just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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