two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
