grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He kissed a someone with a penis
someone owes me an orgasm
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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