she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize