So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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