I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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