The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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