I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
