By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just google imaged poop.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
