i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
