last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
