omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
