Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
