I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
