It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
