the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
