..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
