i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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