I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
