there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
