I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
