Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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