matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So apparently I’m into choking now
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