My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Who died my cat blue again?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
