There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
