Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
this is an emotional support booty call
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
