3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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