my phone needs a breathalizer
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
