When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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