Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
