I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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