hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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