You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she told me i tasted like america
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
