I just made out with a guy for $7.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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