Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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