I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
