arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So apparently I’m into choking now
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