You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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