Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
