omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
