We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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