We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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