Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just made out with a guy for $7.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
