Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
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OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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