Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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