That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That accounts for only three of the penises
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
