Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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